Are You Living a "Should-y" Life?

Published January 11th, 2021 by Phoenixadmin

Hi. I’m Meg, founder of Phoenix 8. Entrepreneur, Consultant, Life Coach, SoulCycle Instructor, Lagree Coach, and Dog Mom.

I’m 34, and for the first 29 years of my life, I lived in a "should-y" life.

I grew up in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, in a middle-class family of 6, finding myself second in the lineup of 4 kids. I went to college to become a dental hygienist, got married at the age of 27, and moved to Houston, Texas for my husband’s job.

My husband and I lived in a beautiful house and we both had jobs that society deemed “successful.” We took fancy trips, drove expensive cars, and had a busy social calendar. We honestly had a picture-perfect life to anyone looking in from the outside. Nothing was missing. Until one day I realized that something was missing: ME.

I wasn’t present in my own life. I was coasting. Going through the motions. Day in, day out – wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner and watch tv, drink a bottle of wine, and go to bed. Comfortable? Sure. Sustainable? Undoubtedly, had I never woken up. I had never questioned why I made decisions. I didn’t have to – the “shoulds” had taken care of any answer I ever needed.

I should get married because all of my friends are married and I’m getting older.

I should get a job and make “x” amount of money by “x” amount of time because then I will feel successful.

I should play it safe to feel stable in life because stability will bring me happiness.

Where was I getting these ideas? I didn’t know, and the worst part was – I had never even thought to ask! How long had I been sleeping? Coasting through life without a second thought to be present for myself? How long would I continue to sleep, allowing the word “should” to dominate my future as it had my past?

I should stay in this job because it’s high paying and I’ve done this for 10 years.

I should stay married because my husband looks really good on paper and people really shouldn’t get divorced.

I should keep my dreams bottled up because they will never become a reality – they are too far-fetched.

Thank God I woke up. I started leaving the things I felt I “should” chase and started chasing the life that would actually bring me fulfillment. For the record, I quit my job and got divorced (both much easier said than done, for the record) and I found the road to fulfillment through entrepreneurship.

Every day is not perfect for me. But each day I wake up feeling fulfilled and present in my own life. Let me tell you this – life moves pretty quickly when you coast, because you really don’t have to think about much. Stop sleeping, stop missing out on what you deserve in life – WAKE UP.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, grab that notebook (for real this time) and jot down a few things. (Why is it important to write thoughts down? Think: “putting them into the physical universe.” And remember – no one has to see this but you – tell yourself the truth.)

What are some things you’ve been doing because you feel like you “should” be doing them?

What dreams do you constantly find yourself thinking about?

What are some actions you are currently doing to help make these dreams a reality?

What actions do you need to take to help make these dreams a reality?

And that’s it. Leave your thoughts there. Just start thinking about them. If something new pops into your mind tomorrow, maybe add it to the thoughts you wrote down. We’ll start there – we’ll just START. 

Because I got news, y’all – this is just the beginning.

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